From Leigh Ann Mon Oct 7 14:42:34 1996 To: Corwyn Cc: Leigh Ann, Greg Subject: You missed a goodie... Yo, yer Admiralness, Sir! I was bummed you weren't there on Saturday; we made a great presentation to Her Maj. [scene set: Siobhan swaggers nautically up to the thrones, followed by Meg and Greg struggling under the weight of a great chest...] Siobhan: Your Majesties! I regret I was unable to attend Your coronation, but I was unable to reach port in time, as I have been about my Admiral's business in the Coastal Seas, insuring the proper collection of goods from ships in our coastal waters. Do I not speak the truth when I tell you that the merchants of AnTir have struck even unto the very heart of the West, that is, the Province of the Mists. So I deemed it my duty to tax them for their impertinance. [Hauls bottles of Pyramid out of the chest.] [Jade calls up some fellow from Wuduholt be Secg, as apparently there was a previous shtick to do with a W'holt ship being robbed of its beer by an AnTirian vessel... Further shtick ensues... Juana gets Siobhan out of the mess by a clever tautology... S relievedly fans herself with her hat and continues...] And as you all know, AnTir is famous -- among some, at any rate -- for two things: salmon, and lattes. So, I bring you salmon [vacuum-packed smoked, in foil] and lattes [Starbucks' anniversary blend]. The lattes, as you see, are in kit form. Long and long was our sailing to find a ship from Caid, for truly I think they spend overmuch time sewing than sailing. But at last we found one; it was a ship from the Western Seas, I could tell it by the smell of roast pork. And I hailed them, saying, "Greetings to the mariners of the Western Seas, and welcome to the waters of our glorious Kingdom of the West." And my bosun, who lived some time in the Western Seas, did translate into their native tongue, as follows: Greg: ALOOOOOOHA. S: We, the duly authorized agent of her sublime and gracious Majesty, Queen Juana-Isabella de Montoya y Ramirez arriba arriba andale andale ipa ipa [*smack*] are prepared to receive from you in peace and good fellowship, the plunder -er, proper tribute that is her due. G: Hey, brah! Get cargo? Try give us, eh? S: Do I sense reluctance on your part to remit the tribute? G: Boddah you? S: May I remind you that the whacking great western ship, fully loaded with guns and bloodthirsty pirates - er, stouthearted merchant adventurers - stands ready to insure the swift and expeditious transfer of the goods from your ship to ours? G: Hey, brah! You no give us da cargo, we goin' broke yo' face! S: Fortunately, they saw sweet reason, and so I bring to you this tribute! [Kona coffee, chocolate covered Mac nuts, guava jam, everybody on the royal line gets lei'd, etc.] And now, with your Majesties' permission, I will distribute the tribute from Meridies among the populace! [Puts a *huge* handful of Mardi Gras beads & coins in each of Their Maj's laps] Bon temps rouler! J: We could buy a small island in the East with these, do you think? [S & co exit court, flinging Mardi Gras stuff as they go.] Yours in merchant adventure, - Siobhan f, Captain etc