How to REALLY Get Someone's Goat

In the Beginning...

It began with an invitation:
Date: Wed, 22 May 96 17:02 PDT
To: Multiple recipients of list 
Subject: A special thanks...

I've already mentioned how much fun the Fish Fry was. I've been thoroughly
gushy with appreciation for all you Drunken Biker Scum. It's time to put
my honey where my mouth is, and tell Carol that we're having another party:

It was so much fun I've decided to do it again, only this time with goat.

                      If you can read this
                 you are invited to wetLeather's

                          THIRD ANNUAL
            (Geez, this's like Deja Vu all over again)
                 SUMMER SACRIFICE and GOAT ROAST
                  Saturday, June 15th, 5:00 PM

(You're welcome to show up earlier, but we won't give you any food, and you'll
probably be drafted to turn and baste the goat.)

A cute fuzzy animal with big brown eyes will give its life for our fleeting
pleasure. We'll also do brutal things to potatoes and maybe some corn and
any other vegetables that I take a sudden dislike to. The usual amounts of
beer will be provided, and we promise to do a better job on the soft drinks.

Bring yourselves, bring your families (if they're not too squeamish), bring
stuff to eat and drink if the menu looks suspicious or you happen to have
a particular skill with things sweet, rich, and chocolate. (The grill will
be available if any of the goat impaired wish to bring an alternate source
of animal protein.)

As a courtesy to the other guests, please limit solstice rituals to those
that can be performed clothed and that are survived by all participants
(except, of course, the four-legged one).

We haven't named this one yet, and "Hapless Victim" may be a bit too formal
("Pardon me, mister Victim, I have this spit, if you'll hold still for just
a moment..."), so if anybody has a suggestion for a name for our guest of
honor, email me. (If we think of a prize, it'll be a contest.)

Same place as last time, which, if you carelessly delete your mail when you've
finished using it, can be found thusly: 

[directions snipped...]

It's the green house on the southwest corner of the intersection, on your left
after the left turn. It can be easily recognized by the state of the lawn,
which is suffering from a sudden failure of its roto-tiller (imagine the
results of someone thoroughly drunk, passing out in the middle of shaving
with a dull razor...)

Conveniently, I was already planning to be up that week, for the SCA 30-year celebration, and so me and two of my friends rode our bikes up in an attempt at the Iron Butt Association's Saddlesore 1000 (and if we ever get the paperwork in, maybe we'll know for sure if we made it, but that's another story for another time).

Anyway, after a week of living like Medieval people (which is also another story for another time), we were more than ready for some carnage!!

Bikers vs. Goat in Hot Contest

You may want to check out Martin's recipe from last year's roast, and then bear in mind that this year's goat was a little bit bigger, there were fried Buffalo wings instead of mudbugs, and there were ~80 bikers instead of 34.

Martin basting the goat This year Martin basted differently too. Last year it was the old sprig-of-rosemary-as-a-basting-brush trick; this year, it was marinade in a spray bottle. Chris Spindler arrived early, and was put to the grueling labor of lying in the hammock and getting up whenever the timer rang to spray the goat.

lotsa bikes By the time John and Greg and Billie and I had finished having Yet Another Adventure involving that goddamned pickup truck (long story), there were already lots of bikes outside Martin's place. Gotta wonder what the neighbors think... ;)

lots more bikes But then, there're lots of bikes outside Martin's place at least three times a year, so they oughta be used to it by now. That big brown pickup with the camper is the one that gave us so much grief...

still more bikes Eventually, the entire driveway is full, and all up and down the street. I've almost never seen Martin's driveway not in this condition...

On to Part Two!